6.24.24
“The LORD called me from birth,
from my mother’s womb he gave me my name.
He made of me a sharp-edged sword
and concealed me in the shadow of his arm.
He made me a polished arrow,
in his quiver he hid me.”
Isaiah 49
I recently got engaged (🥳) to my bestie, George. There have been many instances when his words have spoken deeply to my core and led me to further reflect and pray with the Lord. I think that’s 1) a testament to how intentional he is and how he builds his life solely upon God and 2) a really great indicator of a future spouse: someone who leads you ever more closely to God.
Kind of a suspicious text to receive at 11:33pm on a Sunday when you are not expecting your boyfriend in town, right? I had a silly little pact with myself to have my nails painted this summer every time that I saw George JUST IN CASE he was going to drop down on one knee at dinner, on our walks, in Trader Joe’s, you name it. Due to not expecting him in South Bend, my nails were indeed not painted. I panicked and threw on an audio rosary with the Hallow App and whipped on some pink Essie nail polish with the speed-setter top coat (sponsor me Hallow & Essie?).
That Sunday was a weird one for me. I felt distant from God and I was disengaged at Mass. I felt unworthy of being in the pews and unworthy of God’s love. So while painting my nails and mentally preparing for what I slightly suspected was going to be the night of our engagement, a voice in the back of my brain kept trying to interfere with my excitement. “You don’t deserve this love right now.” Another voice kept interjecting. “Come as you are.”
At the start of June when I figured that the prospect of engagement was drawing near, I remember feeling obsessive over needing to “be prepared.” The world says you need to have your nails painted, you need to wear the cutest outfit, it needs to be aesthetic, a photographer needs to hide in the bushes, a surprise party needs to happen immediately after. DO this, HAVE that. DO NOT do this, DO NOT have that, and absolutely DO NOT wear those old chunky black sandals from Target. On top of all of this nonsense, the Catholic online voices circulated in my brain, “go to Confession” “attend Mass directly before or after,” insert anything else that all of the voices on Instagram say these days about the proper way to date, be engaged, or get married.
So when God tells your boyfriend to miss his original exit and drive to South Bend to propose (apparently) three days earlier than expected at 12am on a Monday, I look back after all the surprises and laugh to myself thinking, “wow God really wanted to teach me another lesson.” My nails were not professionally painted and definitely had some chips in them, I was in gym shorts and my mom’s old sweater, I did not go to Confession beforehand. And above the noise and my own nit picking all I kept hearing was, “come as you are.” All that my mind fixated on from George’s invitation was, “come as you are.” And so I did.
“Come as you are.” A simple invitation to remember that you do not need to be perfectly done up to enter into the presence of the Beloved. Are you willing to commit yourself to loving God for the rest of your life? The answer for most of my readers is most likely, yes. But are you willing to allow God to commit to loving YOUR ENTIRE BEING for the rest of YOUR life? A bit scary if you’re feeling or thinking that you are “not ready,” “not prepared,” and “undeserving.” Due to our broken nature, we will never fully be ready, prepared, or completely deserving to enter into eternal life. And yet, God gently asks us to come as we are and to step into God’s sanctifying embrace. His invitation says, “come as you are so that I can remind you that you are loved. Come as you are and I will transform you and guide you to holiness.”
Slide on those chunky black sandals from Target and go as you are. A lifetime with your Beloved awaits.
George said that night (morning? lol) before getting on one knee in front of the Sacred Heart of Jesus statue and the Golden Dome at the University of Notre Dame that we were “right in between Jesus and Mary.” That is where you can find us forever. 💛
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