Be Revealed : The Story Behind the Tattoo

It took a mural on a Church wall to remind me that I am human.

I had been attending Mass at the Church of Our Lady of Loretto on the campus of Saint Mary's College for nearly three years. The routine of crawling out of my twin-sized bed after a notoriously tiring weekend in South Bend, gearing up with my parka & gloves to trudge my way across campus in the winter breeze, and sitting myself down on the little red chair on the lefthand side of the Church became like second nature to me. However, on this particular Sunday in February of 2019 I was feeling more tired than usual. I was not exactly tired in the sense that my friends and I had really loved us some Black Cherry White Claws days prior (although that may have added to the weariness), but I was moreso overly exhausted in a mental and emotional sense. I stripped off the weight of my parka upon entering Loretto, but the heaviness of my thoughts and emotions continued to trouble me for the course of Mass. I found myself to be very distracted by feelings of loneliness, sadness, and feeling unknown by my friends, family, and God.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a person to hide my flaws, imperfections, and struggles from those around me. Not because I didn't have incredible people to trust and rely on, but because I feared that allowing others to witness these negative things about me would make them dislike or abandon me. Instead of showing these "flaws," I would do everything I could to suppress and hide them. For dances and special occasions, I would cover up my giant birthmark on my shin with pounds of makeup so that the purple scar wouldn't be the first accessory seen. I would hide my sadness and anxiety with a giant smile & a busy schedule. I would ignore my sins and my spiritual struggles because I felt embarrassed, guilty, and shameful at the thought of priests, spiritual guides, or loved ones knowing that I was (and always will be) imperfect. I did everything that I could to not allow others to witness the scars that encompassed my whole being.

The common theme among all of these "flaws" is that they are not meant to be covered. The makeup always seemed to melt and the birthmark always stood out more than my shiny shoes. The smiles always faded after my day-long distractions ended, and the sins and struggles that I faced went from trying to be ignored to being the foundation of a homily at Mass or the latest hot topic in my friend group or classes. (Shoutout to the Holy Spirit for always making an entrance lol).

As I sat on the little red chair on that Sunday in February of 2019, I felt desperately alone in my mess. I felt alone in a mess that I wouldn't even bear to step into or allow others to see. It was in this moment of desperation that I looked up at a mural on the wall of the Church of Loretto as if I hadn't seen it every Sunday for three years. It was then that my eyes met gold, archaic lettering that spelled out, "Be Revealed."

So then I went and got it tattooed on my wrist. End of story. Sorry mom & dad.

Okay, yes I may have actually gotten inked up a year later, but seriously..it took a mural on a Church wall to remind me that I am human. To remind me that all humans have their struggles. All humans have crosses to carry. No makeup, filters, fake smiles, and back to back meetings would conceal my struggles and imperfections forever.

As I dressed myself once again in my parka & gloves at the end of Mass, I felt lighter. I walked out of those doors knowing that I had an opportunity to be fully revealed in my own life: to God, to friends, to family, etc. This mural reminded me to stop walking away from the mess, and to physically step into it - even if that meant opening up and allowing God & others to enter into that messy space with me.

Now, I'm not saying go get "be revealed" or whatever phrase reminds you that ~you're human~ tatted on your wrist. But my prayer and my hope for you is that you step into your own "mess" and that you have or find a loved one to step into that mess with you. I pray that you may allow yourself to be revealed, flaws, joys, & all, to God, a friend, a mother, a brother, a father, a spiritual guide or so on. And I hope that if you happen to feel the weight of your own mental or emotional "parka," you can slowly but surely strip it off or allow another to take your coat for you.

Church of Our Lady of Loretto: Saint Mary's College, Notre Dame