Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about the idea of being SEEN. I love to SEE others and the world around me, to witness the beauties and intricacies of this little life of mine. I make it a mission to see others, witness their beauties and intricacies, and remind them that they are seen, valued, and Beloved. I would literally drop everything to serve and validate another (any other Enneagram 2’s out there?!?).
Lately, with the help of my therapist, I have realized that I am so crappy at letting myself be seen. My mind leads me to believe that if others look at me too closely, they will witness all of my intricacies: my desires, my aches, my insecurities, and I will become unlovable, undesirable, not Beloved, not anything that the Lord says that I am.
I’ve come to learn how hard it is to drop everything to serve myself, to turn inward and witness the beauty within my own intricacies, to see myself in the way that I see others.
The insecurities and the lies in my mind rise and fall like waves, but I am working hard everyday to remind myself that I am seen, valued, and Beloved. I am working hard everyday to allow others to see me, value me, and remind me that I, too, am Beloved.
For those that relate, I hope that you can do the same.
I spend a lot of my time behind the camera, snapping photos of those around me, of nature, of colors. When it comes to others taking photos of me, I cave into myself, my chest tightens, and I feel as if they are gazing into all of my intricacies through a tiny lens. When I do allow others to take photos of me, I rarely like them. This is one that was taken, probably against my will, and of course my first reaction was “I do not like it.” I sense the uncomfortableness and the insecurities that were rising in my chest. I sense the urge to say “no!” and to hide behind my camera, taking pictures of my friends instead. But I stood, I soft smiled, and I let myself be seen for just a moment.
Hoping we can all embrace more of these types of moments.
Typed Out on April 14, 2021 in the Notes App of Owner/Content Creator: Katy Stalter
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